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Sunday, August 1, 2010

I'm Still in Awe

I'm still somewhat amazed that to have received that award and that you all think of my ramblings worthy to be called a blog of substance.

There are days I post things on my blog and think should I have really done that. At times I feel bothersome and a nuisance posting my seemingly petty rantings.

But some one left a comment on my other blog that made me feel as though I was punched in the stomach. It hurt and that in itself shocked me. But it was enough to make me consider deleting my blogs. I began to think the she was right in what she said and that all I do is complain, complain, complain. Complaining is not my intent by any means. I intended my words in my blogs to be a way of expressing myself, my thoughts, my feelings.

I don't have a "BFF Jill" that I can call or visit and pour my heart to whenever I'm feeling down or scared or anything else. I can't go to my so called family either. They are of the mind that 'you made your bed, now lie in it' so to speak. I can remember all to well what it was like growing up as they sat by and watched as I endured growing up in an alcoholic home. Without so much as a 'hey why don't you spend the weekend or the night here', just to give me a break or some sort of sense of 'normalcy'. And of course the one person that I could have gone to and poured my heart out to at any time, has passed away. I can no longer sit at her knee and cry my eyes out while she strokes my hair and tells me it will all be okay.

I thank you all for thinking of my blog as one of substance, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your words of encouragement. I love you all!

May the Goddess shine blessings upon you all! )O(

4 comments:

Nellie said...

Good Green God! I can't believe the woman could write something like that! I've just been over to your other blog and read the comment you're talking about - all I can say is 'WHAT A BITCH!!' Ignore everything she said - obviously she's never had to deal with your situation and lucky for her! You're trying to do an amazingly difficult thing with very little support.
I'm so angry on your behalf!!!!
You will leave one day, without a doubt. You will find the strength to do it - it's already there and you will find it. Be kind to yourself. You can't see it right now, but you will have a life after your husband. It took a friend of mine 15 years, 10 of them married, before she managed to make the break for freedom. When she left she didn't even know how to let herself chose her own clothes - she's one of the most amazing women I know and has totally turned her life around. It took her a long time but she got there in the end. Anybody who thinks that's easy is ******* (add chosen expletative here)so you just ignore the sarcastic cow who left that shitty little comment and you vent all you need to in your blogs. What's it got to do with her anyway - it's your blog!
As a practical bit of advice I'd start practising some visualizations of the woman you want to be, the strong woman that's in control of her own life. Start to see her in your mind until she's solid enough for you to start believing in her. honestly she is there. I'll do some praying for you myself, but it won't be the kind your sister-in-law is doing ;)I hope it will give you some strength, and at the least I hope you'll know that some stranger on the other side of the globe is thinking of you and really is wishing you well.
Nellie x

mxtodis123 said...

That kind of stuff hurts. It's happened to me. Someone came to my blog and said I must be crazy...just because they didn't agree with what I write about. She not only insulted me on one blog, she did it on three of my blogs. That's why I had to stop trusting people and begin monitoring my comments. This is YOUR blog and you are free to write about what you want. Remember that...and do not delete your blogs. Don't let anyone have that kind of power over you. Just spoke about that in Moontides when I wrote about MANA. Never give up your power.
Mary

Crystalrainbow said...

Hey sweetheart just here to add a little more support. I have been in your situation and i know its not easy to leave, it takes time to build courage and confiedence. I was with my ex for 19 years and for the last 5 years we were together i was planning my escape! slowly slowly step by step i made it. fortunately i met my new partner which made it easier as he supported me hugely. I am still a shadow of my old self, still suffering from depression, anxeity and panics. My ME has been brought on by all the sress i have endured thru life( but thats another story) but slowly i am growing stronger..... i have been away from him for over 10 years now and its all still fresh in my head, i still have terrible nightmeres but it was the best thing i ever did. You will too do it when your ready and when your strong enough to cope with it. Please dont ever stop blogging about life.... we are here to suppport you and will be here for you always x x x xx

Kathy said...

I'm a fairly new reader but I have no complaints about the content of your blog. The point is, it's your blog and you are entitled to use it for whatever purpose you choose. If someone doesn't like it they don't have to read it. I choose to read it because a lot of what you write resonates with me and I can connect with it.

Keep on doing what you're doing and don't let one jealous, bitter person stand between you and your muse (Awen).