Thursday, June 3, 2010

If only I could hit the lotto

I'd actually have to play the lotto to try to win the lotto, and I'm not really one to place my bets on something like that.

Actually I'd be happier if I could just find a way to make some money. I feel so helpless. I'm unemployed and there are no prospects around here that I haven't tried numerous times. And even if I did find something locally, I don't drive so that's an issue in and of itself I guess.

I need to find a way to come up with enough money to hire the lawyer (since it would be an alimony case...even tho I want nothing from him...she said it would run me about $4000). I need to find a way to come up with that, and then some so I can continue taking various courses in herbalism so that eventually I can have my own business.

I am not asking for much, I just want enough to get out of this mess and start my life over with my kids.

He's got me in a place where I'm totally dependent on him for everything financially. He's in denial that our marriage is over. He said he doesn't want a divorce and that I can't least until the youngest turns 18. I can't do that. I can't live like this until then. I think he thinks it will break me or I'll see things differently and that I'd want to stay. He doesn't understand that I don't love him, nor am I sure anymore that I actually ever did at least not in the way a married couple should. He's even threatened to have me arrested if I ever left with the kids and that he'd have me declared unfit even though he has no grounds for such a declaration.

At this point, I'm not sure how I'll manage to make money, but I'm thinking hard about it. The lawyer told me to stop looking at how I'm stuck, and start looking at how will I get out. So that's what I'm doing.


Hathor's Bath said...

Wow, yeah, pretty harsh, that. As someone who has been there and done that, here's some possibilities:

One, he cannot have you arrested for leaving with the kids. That's complete bollocks; that's just browbeating tactics. I strongly suspect even if you do find a job, he'll find a way to keep you from attending it.

There are organisations out there who help mothers with children in just such situations. So, if I were you, I'd wait till he was at work and start making some calls. With that sort of controlling behaviour, chances are you could get yourself into a shelter for women at risk (and you ARE at risk, here, don't underestimate things). This way, when going through the steps you need to take, you have more people watching your back; he won't know where you are, where you live, and if he comes after you, he'll be the one in trouble. You will also have resources for assistance - and sometimes that includes a lawyer. My lawyer was a volunteer who worked with the shelter for free, so there's always that as a possibility.

Shelters aren't fun places to be - believe me, I know. But they are save, they're a way to get yourself out of the situation you're in, and save money towards your goals. You're going to be first on the housing list as a single parent with two children, and you may even qualify for grants and funding for childcare, etc.

But first, you're going to have to be very very brave, take a deep breath...and pack your bags.

I will pray for you; but I have done this before and lived to tell the tale.


Crystalrainbow said...

Please forgive me for my instant comments but your story hits right to my heart. I am sending you and your girls healing thoughts, and strength to get you thru this x x x stay stong things wll get better and you will have your new life keep your dreams well in focus and little be little every day work towards your dreams and new life x x x

Ellie said...

Trying to stay strong is probably one of the harder things to do especially after you get verbally beaten down.

I'm not strong enough to pick up and go into a shelter. I've lost everything once a long time ago due to another abusive relationship. I lost everything I had, included my home at the age of 16. I had to live with my mother's friends for 2 yrs which was no picnic. I can't bear to lose what little is mine all over again. In addition to being cut off from everyone while in the shelter as well is something else I don't think I can handle.

I will keep it in mind however that it may be something I will have to resort to if I don't have any other solutions.

Nicole MacDonald said...

to climb out of a rut you have to look up - no matter how dark the hole. Find the light and more will come.
Take care

Magaly Guerrero said...

Wow! This sounds difficult, and I know it is. I've gone through a divorce, worst, through a divorce form a man who didn't want to sign the papers. It is tough, but not an impossible issue. I did it, and I was broke too honey, but eventually it worked out.

I'll light a candle for you. I'll also come back here and read the old posts, so I can learn more about the story.

Big hugs!

Ellie said...

Thank you Magaly. That means alot to me. You can also read more about what's going on at my main blog