Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Odd dreams

Before waking this morning I was having the oddest dream. It seemed like every time I woke up and fell back to sleep, I'd end up back in the same dream just picking up where it left off.

What I remember of it was that we (the not soon enough to be Ex) and I were driving near a cemetery that seemed like it was being torn up. Headstones were toppled and broken, the ground was turned up with piles of dirt and tree branches everywhere. As I looked around, my heart was breaking to see such destruction of a hallowed place, but I was getting the sense they were the graves of children for some reason. I kept seeing tiny heads in the piles of dirt thinking they were children's skulls only to realize they were the heads off the small angelic statues. I was pleading with him to drive and tread as carefully as possible to not disturb the dead and to try and not crush anything. For whatever reason, we had to drive over this to get back to the road.

Once back on the road, we pulled over. I got out and went over to a knocked down willow tree. I kept thinking about wanting/needing a wand made of willow. Again my heart was aching for this tree that was clearly deliberately destroyed, fingering it's branches as it lay there in a heap of brokenness in a mound of dirt and other dead branches. But the leaves were still so vibrantly green, it felt like it still had life in it. I could not bring myself to take a branch off the tree itself and kept looking around for one that may have already been shed, but couldn't find any. It felt like the tree was telling me to take the branch I was holding in my hand but I had no way to remove it and didn't want to just break it off.

I woke up again at some point and as I was falling back into this dream, I heard the number 6 repeated verbally several times, if I think hard it was about 5 times that the number was said. What the hell do 6s and willow trees and cemeteries have to do with anything?

The dream did remind me how when I was little and we'd go to the cemetery my maternal grandfather is buried at, I'd would wander around the near by graves and marvel at how young some of the dead were. Many were infants or children no older than I was at the time. I couldn't understand how they could have died so young, and there were so so many. Including my uncle who died at about 6 months old or so.

The dream just leaves me wondering what does it mean if anything. I've had trouble remembering any of my dreams as of late again. I keep a notebook by my bed, but as soon as my eyes open there's nothing to remember. So when I do remember something, I wonder if there's any meaning to it all.


Kathy said...

I rarely remember my dreams except that I've had a weird one or an entertaining one. Rarely any details so I'm impressed that you remember so much of yours. I'm not good at interpreting dreams so I can't help you but I somehow think you know the answers already even if you think you don't. I don't know why I think that. I could be wrong, of course. I am frequently. :)

I hope the answers come to you. Someone told me once that if dreams come from the Gods, then they'll also give you the answers; if they come from the subconscious, then the answer is already there, too. Either way it will come to you.

I hope they were right. Keep plugging away. You're making progress on your path.

Damastar said...

I think you also know the answers hon, even though realizing and accepting them are 2 different things you do need to listen to what you subconscious is saying to you, because when it speaks to us its what we need to hear the most.

Love you a lot baby