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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Crossroads


I feel as though I am at a crossroads. In fact I know I am. Not just in my life, but on my path.

In life it's a where do I go from here. What's next for me? Do I stay in Georgia or move out of state? Do I start an Etsy shop or not? If I do, what do I name it?

Then there's my path. What is it? How do I go down it? Which road do I take? I feel called to Druidry. But I also feel called to the Avalon path. Or yes I know I can combine the two, that's another option.

Where do I learn from? So many choices. And with limited funds sometimes, most times seems impossible that it will ever happen. Or books, there's a couple I want/need to read, study, learn from. But my library system either A) doesn't have it or B) it's out on loan or missing. Hmmm....no surprise on the missing here in the bible belt. So I looked into buying used. Great, right? I found really good prices on Alibris...8 books in very good to new condition for just under $22.00...FANTASTIC!...Woah...not so fast...the shipping cost more than the books combined. So my bargain shopping would cost me almost $50.00. So scratch that idea.

Next is which God/dess do I look up to? Who do I choose or more like who will choose me? I've had the dreams, still waiting for answers. On the one hand Rhiannon seems like a natural fit based off what I've researched. But Hekate has been cropping up everywhere on me. Blogs, Yahoo groups, etc. And I come to find out she is Goddess of the Crossroads. Could she be hinted at in one of my dreams? I don't know. Plus she's of a whole different pantheon than what I feel drawn to.

All these different roads, all these different choices....leaves me finding it very difficult to breathe or think. I'm so tired of making the wrong choices, or choosing what some one else thinks I should. I just don't want to fail.


*Photo credit*

4 comments:

mxtodis123 said...

Having been at the crossroads so many times in my life, I can tell you, give it lots of thought before making any decisions...on anything...not just relationships. You are going to be fine, and one day you will look back at this trial period as something needed to learn the lessons of life.
Mary

Kathy said...

One thing I learned is that the Goddess will find you. Her name will start falling magically from your lips when you look to invoke a specific name. But I also found that the God/desses don't seem to have that jealous streak that a certain unnamed God seems to have and are just fine if another God or Goddess calls you, too.

My biggest mistake, when I first turned onto this path was to try to hurry the journey. I wanted so much to be further down the road, knowing more and being wiser. I ended up leaving the path altogether because it didn't feel right.

Now that I'm back on it, I'm just enjoying the sights and while I do look forward to things further on, I'm just enjoying the journey more.

I wish I had answers for you about things to read. There are many articles at OBOD if you dig around, and the podcasts there are astounding in the amount of information they impart. Maybe you can just buy one book a month or one book every other month. I completely understand your impatience and frustration though. I wish I could take the OBOD course but there are so many other things I need to put that money toward instead. It still is in the back of my mind to do it some day though.

Feel free to email me if you need to talk. I don't have answers but I'm a good listener.

Nellie said...

Hi Ellie. The beauty of our path is we can't fail - it's personal so you go exactly where you need to go when you're ready to go there.
I used my tarot cards last night to ask why Hekate has come into my life at this precise time, and the answer was obvious: because its now that I'm ready for growth.

I have NO IDEA AT ALL if i'm barking up the wrong tree here, but maybe you might be able to find Hekate in the Avalonian cycle? Morgana le Fey springs to mind. I'm not saying this from a knowledgable veiwpoint, just a worth investigating viewpoint. If it were me I'd maybe try intuitively rewriting Morgana le Fey's story (she's portrayed quite negatively in some versions of the story but I've always felt that was wrong) during a little time you've set aside to sit down and connect. Light a candle, offer up an apple cut in half maybe (isle of apples and all that) or anything that seems relevant. Do whatever you do for ritual or spiritual connection then have a go at this rewriting and see if Hekate shines through it. I do think that Hekate is one of those Goddesses that has been known to many people under different names (although I don't think that stands with all Goddesses but Hekate is an ancient power!)
I also agree with Kathy - maybe your path lays with both Hekate and Rhiannon? There need not be an exclusive relationship. The whole thing with patron or matron god/desses is a fairly new concept I think - back in the good ole days a patron or matron would have been the exception rather than the norm. It would have been far more common to work with lots of different dieties and guides at different points through your life, so don't get too hung up on which diety to 'go with' as it were. An easy trap to fall into i know myself!
If you have any sort of divination system you might like to consult that? I'd be happy to do a reading for you myself if you'd like (I don't claim to be a seer or anything but the offer is there) with the two types of cards I use. I've always found them to be very accurate for both myself and others. If you want me to read on your behalf (though please honestly don't feel like you haveto take me up onthe offer - I won't be offended lol!!)email me: elphie@vodafoneemail.co.uk
Take care x
Oh and a link for you: aoda.org/First_Degree_Curriculum.html
and books are great but there's some awesome druid blogs out there too - take a look at some of the blogs on my druid blogs list.

Nellie said...

Hello again my lovely
Was hoping to get you interested in a blog I'm thinking of starting if i can get the necessary people on board.
I've written about it on my blog so you can see a few more details there. Please do have a look and let me know if you'd like to be part of it. I really do hope you will.
Nellie xx