Sunday, December 19, 2010

Still here

I'm still around, I just haven't felt much like posting. Well I've wanted to, but I felt like it wasn't worth the effort, that it was meaningless, sometimes I felt like it made no sense. I just can't seem to focus, I'm feeling down, and wish I was anywhere but where I am right now.

I want to study, but I don't know what direction to take. I don't have the recommended books and can't get them from my library. And then, I feel so weighted down with all that holy roller christianity stuff that has been drummed into me, it's hard to break free of the mentality that one will burn in hell for not following the church's prescribed methods. I know that organized religion isn't for me. But the 'brainwashing' they impose doesn't shed easily.

I've been feeling down...missing my grandma and my dad. They both passed on the holidays, grandma Thanksgiving 2006 and my dad Christmas Eve 1994. I know they wouldn't want me to be sad, but it's hard not to be. Especially when you would rather be somewhere else, with someone else. My only hope is that this time next year, I will be in a better place.

Hopefully after the holidays pass, I can get back to some sort of normal posting and back to my bunny trails as I seek the Goddess.


mxtodis123 said...

Holiday time can be rough on many people. I, too, miss my family the most at this time of the year. I go to bed thinking of Christmas past and have learned that, rather than let it get me down, let me smile and relish the good times.

Crystalrainbow said...

Its hard when your feeling down esspecially at this time of year, you see others out with their loved ones shopping and being happy, for me it alwyays makes me feel sadder than i already did. Its hard to blog or just socialise generally when so down, but we understand. dont force yourself sweetheart, we totally understand. be kind on yourself have a pamper and know that the winter solstice is nearly apon us, time to 'out with the old and in with the new' leave behind the past hurts and loo forward to the new, im sure you will be feeling much brighter soon. Blessings to you and yours now and past x x x x

Aine O'Brien said...

The holidays are hard when you already feel sad. Everyone is supposed to be so joyous and happy and sometimes we feel anything but. Yule is about the sun returning after the darkest time - this symbolism gives us hope. I too have - more than once been in the darkness at Yule and the sun did return, the brightest it's been. I wish for you the same. Perhaps you are supposed to have a more reflective time right now - not all Yule customs/rituals are "full of cheer." The illumination of the sun can bring you spiritual illumination as well. Try asking for clarity on your path, the ability to put behind what you no longer believe. I wish you much peace and send you support and love.