I've been struggling lately with the whole should I stay or should I go. Whether I'm doing the right thing, or being selfish and self-centered. Am I throwing it all away? Is everything all in my head? It's such a difficult time I find myself in...I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place some days. I question whether leaving is the right thing to do for me, for the girls...if taking them one of these days out of the only home they've ever known is the right move...if by focusing on what I want or need makes me a selfish person.
Today I decided to consult my Tarot cards, as well as try out a few of those online Tarot readings. Out of about 6 different ones I did, one card came up almost every time. It was the Eight of Cups. Basically from everything I was able to read about the card, it's telling me it is time for a change. That it's time to move on, to get out, things in my situation will not change. That I know what I need to do and that I need do it.
I don't know where or how I will find the means to leave. I'm so afraid of leaving. I'm afraid of what he might do. I'm afraid that my youngest won't want to leave. I'm afraid that by leaving I'm being selfish. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it out there. Then of course the other thing is where do I go if I did leave soon. And what if my youngest doesn't want to go to?
But, the cards were clear that leaving is what I must do.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Struggling with My Thoughts and Tarot Cards Speak
Posted by Morgaine Pendragon at 7/18/2010 06:34:00 PM
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2 comments:
Stay strong. Find out if any family or friends can help you out. Even old friends you might not have seen for a while because of the husband. People tend to be generous and want to help where they can.
Children need positive influences in their lives. They also need good role models. If you put up with this behaviour then you teach them it's ok for them to put up with being bullied by a man - you're not being selfish you are teaching your girls all about self respect and what is acceptable behaviour. Your youngest might not understand right now, but it's their future you need to think about as well as how they'll feel right now. When I left my husband I found that my little one suddenly became much happier and relaxed. I found that to limit the stress little ones feel the best way was to try to keep as much as i could normal for him. Daily routines stayed the same etc. If you don't feel like you can be around your husband after you leave then find a family mediation service that will help you sort out how and when the girls will see their dad. This is really important too - though you don't want him to be allowed to bully your girls the way he bullies you it's also important that you try your best to keep their relationship with their father as alive as possible (and this way he cannot use anything against you in a legal sense - when you follow the rules they've got nothing to use against you!)- this doesn't necessarily mean you have to see your husband anymore though.I did everything to make sure my ex husband saw our son - it ended up that he stopped bothering to visit at all but that was his own decision even though it pleased me to have such a negative influence and role model out of my sons life. If you feel completely alone and that there really is no one who can help you then find the details of a refuge and ring them for advice. Something can be done about this situation.
Try not to be afraid. xx
a little something for you over on my blog x x x
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