What Do Druids Do?

Ever on my quest to find my path, only seem to find myself more lost than found most of the time.
I don't really know "where I belong". I'm not a Druid (yet), and then which do you chose as there are many groups. I'm a seeker of the Mists. Yet I feel drawn to Elves and Faeries. Even then occasional attraction to say Buddah, Ganesha, Artemis, I could go on.

I was in a private FB group that studies Avalon. But I was removed at the end of a year since I did not complete 2 tasks, which all year long I thought were merely optional. I found myself running around from store to store looking for supplies to complete these 2 things, only to find that one of the parts I bought wasn't going to be sufficient. I was slightly upset by it, but I didn't have time to run around anymore to find the correct piece I needed.

I am still part of the social group for it. Recently the some questions were asked of the group owner I guess about rituals and such. She briefly explained that the group doesn't "call quarters" or "cast circles" stating they were Wiccan or Druid things. Now I'm not saying that's wrong because I know those are Wiccan practices.

But what about the Druids? So far in my meager studying, I haven't seen anything that says that Druids do these things. I don't feel comfortable questioning this in the group. I can't find any books yet locally to read up on it and even if I did find them, I don't have the means to purchase them right now. Hoping to have access to the library soon, but that will still take a couple of weeks at best to get over there. And then who knows if they will have what I need.

Anyone out there know from experience if it is a common practice of Druids to call quarters or cast circles? What about using ritual tools?

How About An Update? Yes?

I know it's been a long while again since I've posted here. I really don't quite know what I wish to do with this blog. Part of me wants to keep it and part of me wants to merge it with my main blog.

I feel like I am stuck at a crossroads with what path to follow. There's that part of me that is strongly drawn to the Avalon path. I was hoping to read "Avalon Within" by Jhenah Telyndru. A while back, I actually won a copy of the book. I was thrilled and excited. I couldn't wait to get it in my hands and read it. BUT then...I never received it! I contacted the sender who explained what happened and told it would be sent. And....still didn't get it. I've tried a few more times to contact the person, but I guess the emails got lost. So I don't know what ever happened to it. It makes me sad because I really want to read this and I can't afford to go buy a copy. So when I won it, I thought it was a clear sign that the Universe had spoken and said YES! This what you need to seek.
Then I'm still greatly drawn to Druidism. As well as being a Green/Hedge Witch. I'm more drawn to following the Goddess than a God, but I know one cannot exist without the other at least in my opinion. It could be too that my aversion to following a god is just due to my years in Christianity, where god rules and controls everything...the it's a man's world mentality and I should be the silent and submissive woman. And honestly I don't know how to just sit quiet and meditate on this. It would be really nice if I could find a way to blend it all.

So moving right along....It's now been 9 months since I moved 2200 miles to follow my heart. Slowly I've been rebuilding myself, healing, reconnecting with my Beloved (and things are going well with us), and learning what it's like to be accepted and a sense of belonging. I miss my girls terribly, and I wish they had chosen to come too. But it is what it is, for now. And maybe one day, my girls will decide to join me. The only thing left to do is file for a divorce which I am researching but I don't know how easy it's going to be and I still need to have money to do it. And also to figure if and how to get the things that I left behind.

Still things to think about and do, but everything in time. But I'm in a better place than I was a year ago spiritually, emotionally.

Long Time Since I Written...

I do apologize for not having kept this updated as I would have liked to. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. Everything I thought about writing seemed like mindless drivel.

My fears were getting the best of me. Then my world fell apart in mid February. It was then I decided that I had to do something. And I did. I made the decision to follow my heart and do for me what I needed to do. So I decided to leave my marriage to a man I could no longer be with.

I was offered a place to stay with my Beloved's family. My one and only friend where I was living offered to help me leave by driving me to ship what I could afford to and take me to the airport. I was able to purchase my ticket for a really low price. I was lucky to buy it when I did, since few days later the prices went up and stayed high. Once the ticket was bought...it was just the matter of waiting until the day. AND finding the courage to tell him I was leaving.

I told him 2 days before that I was leaving to stay with friends to figure things out. I left nothing to chance having to deal with him that day. Finally departure day arrived and before I knew it, my belongs were left at the shipping office and I was on my way to the airport. My flights were on time, actually ahead of schedule even. They were smoother than I could have expected.

So it's been a month now that I left. That I moved 2200 miles to follow my heart. Slowly I am starting to relax and unwind, learning to be myself. No longer do I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I feel like I can breathe again.

As to my path....well I am feeling somewhat lost. I don't know what to believe or follow. At some point I felt let down again by deities. Maybe I am trying or was trying too hard to define a path and label it. Maybe I'm just to go with the flow right now and just connect with nature.

I don't know. I mean here I am, a city girl who is now living smack dab in the middle of farm country. As far as I can see out both front and back are fields of various greens growing. I can see cows, and horses, and goats. (No we don't have any of those here but the surrounding neighbors do.) I wake up to the sunrising and to the sound of chickens. I can watch the sunset every day, sometimes with the most spectacular colors. I am finally able to be with my furbaby and My Beloved. I've been given permission to have a small herb garden (I do want more herbs but it's a bit late now to find what I want) and we have a vegetable garden, smaller than what we want but it will do for this year. And the garden area is SO HUGE! I would have a field day next season. Oddly I feel like I am in my element.

So this is where I'm supposed to be, in a place of reconnection. Where I can be with my Beloved. Where I can see the sunrise and sunset. Where I can see the stars and the moon clear than I have in years. All I can do is take it all one day, one step at a time.

Last post of the year

I just realized that my last post is also my 40th post on the this blog. I had really hoped I'd have done more with it. But when I'm struggling to find my way and all the dogma of my previous belief system screaming in my head....well yeah.

I think my Word for the year is going to be: FREEDOM.

I made a list of words and that was the first word I wrote, and when ever I think about my list, it's the first word that comes to mind. I think it's appropriate as I am seeking Freedom from an over possessive and controlling spouse that I no longer wish to be with. Seeking Freedom in my spiritual life, to find my path and my Goddess. Seeking Freedom to create more in art and writing.

The other words I think support this word, they all kind of go together.

I wish you all the most wonderful things in the New Year and may it be filled with Bright Blessings.

Yule Blessings

My wish for all of you this Yule season and through the coming year is summed up in that statement.

I had the opportunity to view the eclipse last night and I must say it was beautiful and spectacular. A few clouds rolled in and I thought it would spoil it but they passed over and didn't move back in until the Moon was in full eclipse. The energy from the Moon was very strong and empowering.

Warm wishes on this Winter Solstice and the Brightest of Yule Blessings upon you all.

Still here

I'm still around, I just haven't felt much like posting. Well I've wanted to, but I felt like it wasn't worth the effort, that it was meaningless, sometimes I felt like it made no sense. I just can't seem to focus, I'm feeling down, and wish I was anywhere but where I am right now.

I want to study, but I don't know what direction to take. I don't have the recommended books and can't get them from my library. And then, I feel so weighted down with all that holy roller christianity stuff that has been drummed into me, it's hard to break free of the mentality that one will burn in hell for not following the church's prescribed methods. I know that organized religion isn't for me. But the 'brainwashing' they impose doesn't shed easily.

I've been feeling down...missing my grandma and my dad. They both passed on the holidays, grandma Thanksgiving 2006 and my dad Christmas Eve 1994. I know they wouldn't want me to be sad, but it's hard not to be. Especially when you would rather be somewhere else, with someone else. My only hope is that this time next year, I will be in a better place.

Hopefully after the holidays pass, I can get back to some sort of normal posting and back to my bunny trails as I seek the Goddess.

Samhain Blessings

Wishing you all a Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain.
May the coming year bring you good health, lots of love and joy, peace and prosperity, and maybe your days be full of magick.

Kitty's Strange Behavior

Last week there was a fire in the woods behind the house. The fire dept seemed to think it may have been started intentionally, but too hard to tell. But we had to deal with it flaring up for about 3 days. I think it's finally burned itself out. Friday was the first day that they didn't have to come out.

Well on Friday evening, I went out on the hill to check on any additional damage that may have occurred on my hill and to see if there was any hot spots on the other side of the fence line. I was only up there a few minutes when our cat came bounding up the hill through the pines and sat at my feet meowing at me. I got the feeling he was telling me to go back so I said we would. Normally he would run off in front of me, but not this time. He sat at my feet until I started to head back the way I came. Then he started to follow behind me, meowing up at me occasionally. I stopped for a second and told him to go ahead and he still wouldn't pass me. He stayed behind me the entire time to make sure I did in fact go back down the hill.

Now this is something I've never seen him do before. He wouldn't even come out of the yard when I brought his food out. I think he thought I was trying to trick him. That if I fed him, I'd go back up while he was eating. I had to assure him several times I wouldn't go back before he came to eat finally.

Then on Saturday, we heard some fire trucks and he came running over to me and sat on the stairs meowing at me the entire time. I had to keep telling him I wasn't going to go up there. He wouldn't settle down until I went back in the house.

I don't know what to make of this behavior. I've never seen him like that before.

Wild Fires

Scary days the last 2 they are/were. Behind the house is a stretch of woods, preserve land they say. It's just past the property line and goes up to the Middle/High school near us. There's a nature trail on it that the school uses mostly in the spring.

Well Tuesday afternoon there was smoke only a few yards off from our property line and the next thing I knew, fire trucks pulled up and the men dashed off into the woods with fire extinguishers. There were at least 2 spots far as we could tell that were burning. The spent about 2 hours up there putting them out.

This afternoon (Wednesday) my older girl comes running down to me "Momma we have a fire on the hill!" I thought she meant up top near the original area, but NO!...I opened my back door and there's flames on my hill!! Our hill is held up by a 4 foot high railroad tie retaining wall....the flames were about 2 maybe 3 feet from the edge. The line of flames ran about a good 6 feet across the hill. I heard the fire trucks pulling up before I could even get the words out of my mouth. I literally didn't know what to do next. I didn't know what the flames would do next.

I dashed upstairs and out the front door and ran up to the fire chief's truck and told him we had a fire in the yard. He thought I meant up top, but by the panic in my voice and on my face after telling him NO it's right at the bottom behind the house! He sent men back there immediately.

They spent about 2 hours spraying our hill from one end to the other and back again. I have less than 1/3 acre so it's not very big back there, but they soaked and soaked that hill best they could. The original spots up in the woods also flared up, so they did what they could with it and then had the forestry people come in a dig a break between our property line and the fire.

They told me it was most likely deliberately set by some teens, maybe they were smoking up there. That it would smoke for a couple more days. Imagine my surprise when my neighbor knocked on my door to say she saw flames in the woods again!! We went outside and sure enough the darn thing is flaring up. So out came the firemen again. They assured us it wouldn't jump the break. It has to burn itself out they said, since the fire is now inside a fallen hallowed out/rotten tree. So its burning from the inside out and they can't stop it. They also told us that most of the state is under a Red Flag Warning.

I think the thing that struck me most was when one of them told me "Fire is a living thing. And it's feeding on whatever it can to stay alive and spread." I never thought of fire as living. But it needs oxygen just like we do, and it needs fuel (food) to survive. So I suppose he's right. But it struck a cord with me, and I feel like it his words have a deeper meaning that I just can't put my finger on.

But tomorrow is going to be a windy day, and we're still under the warning for at least the next 2 days with no rain in site.

The one fireman told me a good bit at the top of the hill was burned but from the ground I can't see up there too many pines in the way. I'll have to walk up the hill in the morning and check on my apple tree and pear tree, as well as to see just how much has been damaged up there. Seeing the flames has me scared to bits. This city girl doesn't do wild fires very well.

Odd dreams

Before waking this morning I was having the oddest dream. It seemed like every time I woke up and fell back to sleep, I'd end up back in the same dream just picking up where it left off.

What I remember of it was that we (the not soon enough to be Ex) and I were driving near a cemetery that seemed like it was being torn up. Headstones were toppled and broken, the ground was turned up with piles of dirt and tree branches everywhere. As I looked around, my heart was breaking to see such destruction of a hallowed place, but I was getting the sense they were the graves of children for some reason. I kept seeing tiny heads in the piles of dirt thinking they were children's skulls only to realize they were the heads off the small angelic statues. I was pleading with him to drive and tread as carefully as possible to not disturb the dead and to try and not crush anything. For whatever reason, we had to drive over this to get back to the road.

Once back on the road, we pulled over. I got out and went over to a knocked down willow tree. I kept thinking about wanting/needing a wand made of willow. Again my heart was aching for this tree that was clearly deliberately destroyed, fingering it's branches as it lay there in a heap of brokenness in a mound of dirt and other dead branches. But the leaves were still so vibrantly green, it felt like it still had life in it. I could not bring myself to take a branch off the tree itself and kept looking around for one that may have already been shed, but couldn't find any. It felt like the tree was telling me to take the branch I was holding in my hand but I had no way to remove it and didn't want to just break it off.

I woke up again at some point and as I was falling back into this dream, I heard the number 6 repeated verbally several times, if I think hard it was about 5 times that the number was said. What the hell do 6s and willow trees and cemeteries have to do with anything?

The dream did remind me how when I was little and we'd go to the cemetery my maternal grandfather is buried at, I'd would wander around the near by graves and marvel at how young some of the dead were. Many were infants or children no older than I was at the time. I couldn't understand how they could have died so young, and there were so so many. Including my uncle who died at about 6 months old or so.

The dream just leaves me wondering what does it mean if anything. I've had trouble remembering any of my dreams as of late again. I keep a notebook by my bed, but as soon as my eyes open there's nothing to remember. So when I do remember something, I wonder if there's any meaning to it all.

Keeping Busy

In trying to keep my mind off the negative stuff in my life, I'm going to try keeping myself busy. I've gone and signed up for 2 free workshop/classes online. One is a creative writing one, the other is an art one. Along with wanting to focus on my herbal lessons, get the Etsy store off the ground, and hopefully prep for NaNoWriMo...with some continued Goddess research for good measure.

Hopefully I'll be able to track down some inexpensive used copies of the books on Druidry I'm after. I did manage to find 2 books on Britain by A. L. Rowse and 1 book called "The Celts". They were at the Goodwill for just a couple dollars a piece. Too good of a deal to pass up.

So the goal this week is to finish setting up a work area in my little room. Get my laptop set up for NaNoWriMo along with my notebooks that I use. Continue to go through things that I don't need anymore, by the time I'm done I should have about 2 bags of clothing for the Goodwill tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be feeling up to going out to drop them off and pick up some supplies for the art course.

After the Storm

I love storms and the sound of thunder, but I can live without the lightening we sometimes get. But in the end a sight like this is always worth it.

You can't see it here, but there was actually 3 rainbows. I thought it was my eyes playing tricks until my young one cried out "OMG there's three of them!" Just under the main bright rainbow is the third one but the colors going in the opposite order.

Oddly enough, cannot find one darn thing online about what rainbows mean in Pagan terms. I can find christian terms till they come outta my ears, but none for Pagan. I must be looking in the wrong places.

Mabon Blessings

Today I'd like to wish all of you a Very Blessed Mabon. To my understanding, a time of thanksgiving.

I am thankful for all of you that follow my wee little blog and am I thankful for those of you that are becoming friends. I am thankful to the Goddess for rescuing me and helping me find my way. I am thankful for my daughters. I am thankful for my beloved.

May the Goddess shine down blessings on you all.

Goddess Aspects, How Do You Know?

I've spent the better part of the late afternoon and evening...well at this point night, looking up a few of the Goddesses I am interested in or drawn to. My personal library has zero resources I can pull from, and the public library system well they leave much to be desired. So I turn to the web in its vast array and wealth of information. But my gods I've never hit so many brick walls like I did today. Not just on information on a Goddess but even finding out what aspect she might be.

I tried different ways of Google searches and no matter what I did or how I searched I almost always got the same results. Then, after say looking at page 3 of said results, most of the stuff was just cut and paste from another site I just looked at in the last few clicks. Talk about frustrating!

So how do you know or figure out what aspect a Goddess might be? How do I know if she is a Maiden, Mother, or Crone aspect?

For instance, Airmid. I could find an assortment of information on her and that she's a Goddess of healing. How when her brother died 365 herbs grew on his grave. But no where could I find what aspect she would be. Or Rhiannon, I found a lot of information on her, but nothing again as to her aspect. Cerridwen however was clearly stated she was the Crone aspect. Most sites said the same about Morrigan.

Is it that the information isn't out there? Was I looking in the wrong places and using the wrong key words for my searches? Or do not all Goddesses correspond to one of the aspects?

I primarily (for now) am focusing on Airmid, Rhiannon, Morrigan and Cerridwen. Anyone know of a good source online that doesn't have the same one line of info that's been rehashed on every other website?

I Will Never Forget

Nine years ago today, the worst thing I had ever witnessed in my life occurred. Planes struck the Twin Towers, one plane crashed in Pennsylvania. I still cannot put into words the emotions and thoughts I had that day.

I will never forget. Never will I forget the tragedy that struck, the lives that were lost, the damage that was done. Never will I forget that I had planned to be there at the Towers that day with my two girls. Never will I be so grateful for my daughter having gotten a bad nose bleed the night before that kept us up most of the night for fear of it starting up again.

If it wasn't for that, we would have been getting up to leave at that time and quite possibly we could have been there when they started to fall.

I will never forget the eerie silence when all the planes were grounded. Nor will I forget the sight of seeing fighter jets flying over my old neighborhood as they circled around the air space of Ground Zero.

That fateful day is forever etched in my mind and heart. I often wonder, why she got that nose bleed. Why were we kept from going there that day? I may never know the answer to why, but I am grateful that we are here today.

NEVER FORGET!

Crossroads

I feel as though I am at a crossroads. In fact I know I am. Not just in my life, but on my path.

In life it's a where do I go from here. What's next for me? Do I stay in Georgia or move out of state? Do I start an Etsy shop or not? If I do, what do I name it?

Then there's my path. What is it? How do I go down it? Which road do I take? I feel called to Druidry. But I also feel called to the Avalon path. Or yes I know I can combine the two, that's another option.

Where do I learn from? So many choices. And with limited funds sometimes, most times seems impossible that it will ever happen. Or books, there's a couple I want/need to read, study, learn from. But my library system either A) doesn't have it or B) it's out on loan or missing. Hmmm....no surprise on the missing here in the bible belt. So I looked into buying used. Great, right? I found really good prices on Alibris...8 books in very good to new condition for just under $22.00...FANTASTIC!...Woah...not so fast...the shipping cost more than the books combined. So my bargain shopping would cost me almost $50.00. So scratch that idea.

Next is which God/dess do I look up to? Who do I choose or more like who will choose me? I've had the dreams, still waiting for answers. On the one hand Rhiannon seems like a natural fit based off what I've researched. But Hekate has been cropping up everywhere on me. Blogs, Yahoo groups, etc. And I come to find out she is Goddess of the Crossroads. Could she be hinted at in one of my dreams? I don't know. Plus she's of a whole different pantheon than what I feel drawn to.

All these different roads, all these different choices....leaves me finding it very difficult to breathe or think. I'm so tired of making the wrong choices, or choosing what some one else thinks I should. I just don't want to fail.


*Photo credit*

More Dreams

I do realize these could mean absolutely nothing at all. But just the mere fact I'm remembering particular snippets of the dreams, has me inclined to think they do hold some sort of meaning.

About 2-3 nights ago, I was in an old building. It was at least 2 story, but not necessarily with a second floor more like the roof was just vaulted that high. It was dim, almost like lit by candles or lanterns, and only enhanced more by the dark rain clouds outside. I could make out the think heavy timbers with dark stain that made up the walls and the ceiling. I know I was with my beloved and my eldest daughter.

We opened the door, and it was indeed raining, but moving off to our right. On opening the door I knew I was not stateside, and when I looked back at the building, I could see the heavy wood timbers and the white plaster of the building walls. Quite reminiscent of a home or shop in an old village. The clouds to the right were dark, the ones to the left were more gray. Out in front was a long dirt or stone road with a split rail fence and fields on either side of it, and a large group of trees off in the distance. Above us the clouds broke, and I could see some of the blue sky, and rays of sunshine though not the sun itself...And then a full rainbow appeared over us. I told my beloved "Kiss me quick under the rainbow." ....Then I woke up.

Last night I was where appeared to be a street in my childhood neighborhood. It was night, and there was a full moon. It was big and bright, and I found myself annoyed at the street light. I was marveling at the moon, when a smaller but reddish or orange-y red object appeared. At first I thought oh my it's Mars. But then 2 more of them appeared, like 3 moons of a red or orange-red, but they seemed fade or dim. Not bright. Together they formed a triangle...the first and smallest on the left, a larger one at the top and the third a tad smaller then the top one.

I was in awe. But if I looked at the Bright moon, the 3 went away...if I looked at the 3 the bright one went away. I thought I need my oldest to photograph, but I couldn't get to her for some reason. So I thought I would try to with my cell phone. But I couldn't focus, and they started to disappear, by the time I managed the photo there was only one remaining.

I'm not sure what either of these might meaning if anything. My initial thought of the Moon dream was something with the Goddess. But, I don't know.

New Blog Name

As I stated a few days ago, I've been pondering a name change of this blog.

This is the new name for the time being. It's still a work in progress. It may yet change again, but this will do for now.

It is a blend of what I see as my path for the time being. I am a Solitary, both by choice and lack of ability to get to any gatherings that may be in line with my path of learning. I feel called by Avalon. I cannot explain it, but I feel a connection to the Holy Isle. And lastly I wish to study to be a Druid, a path I also feel drawn to.

The image in the header is a still from the movie "Mists of Avalon". A movie that I love.

As I start posting on this blog, I am hoping it will be from the point of my learning and observing, following where ever the Goddess takes me.

Dream and Possible Meaning- Semi Cross Post

I wrote about this on my main blog a few days ago. But it's the first dream and what it means that keeps haunting me, tugging at me right now. I'm not quite sure what it means, or if indeed I'm a on the right trail as to what it might mean. So I will only be posting the first dream here...for now.

The Dream:

About a week ago now, I had a dream. Of a courtyard made of white stone with a large round fountain. People were gathered some in the courtyard near the fountain, others on a set of steps leading up to a castle (perhaps). Two large white horses came running up, splashed through the fountain and stopped before a young man amidst the crowd. He held out his hand to calm the people telling them it's alright, the horses were messengers. The young man held a helmet in his hand and wore some sort of ancient garb, possibly Roman, but this wasn't Rome. I think he may have been a prince.

Possible Meaning:

I'll start with the horses. I initially thought of Epona. And while that seemed to click for me, I kept thinking there's more than one horse. And Rhiannon kept coming to mind. Horses symbolize strength, power, endurance; a white horse signifies purity, prosperity, good fortunes. Horses also symbolize hands on/spiritual healers. So then I looked up the 2 Goddesses.

Epona is a Celtic horse Goddess, other sites listed her as Gaulish. She can be seen as a Goddess of dreams, can be helpful in manifesting dreams and is a good protector to have when venturing on a new life path; also can be called upon if one is having trouble sleeping or wishing to have insightful dreams.

Rhiannon is a Welsh Goddess. She is known as a Muse for poets, artists, and royalty. She acts as a Muse bringing illuminating energy of Inspiration to writers, poets, musicians, and artists. She as been associated with Vivienne and the Lady of the Lake. One of her animal associations is the hummingbird! (I just saw one the other day after not seeing any for a couple years!) One of the associated gemstones with her is Amethyst (saw them in my second dream).

Castle can relate to past life influences.

I spent a good deal of time on different websites, none of which I had the good sense to bookmark or notate, gathering the above information.

As I said, I am still trying to rationalize the dream. My attention seems fixed on the horses, which looked very much like Shadowfax, Gandalf's horse in the movie. They seemed almost larger than a normal horse. And they were messengers, but bore no riders. Messengers of who, and what did they have to tell?

Of course I have a strong affinity to anything related to Avalon...Morgaine, Vivienne, The Lady of the Lake, Arthur, Merlin, etc. There are many times I feel called by Avalon to follow the path of Goddess. But at the same time I feel called to follow the Druid path.

I can see a bit too, where Rhiannon makes sense. She wants a person to ask specifically what they want, which is something I have great trouble doing. I've tried speaking to both Epona and Rhiannon, and I'm finding it difficult to speak to Epona, it's like a struggle. But when trying to speak to Rhiannon, it seems somewhat easier.

I don't know still with certainty what this dream means, I am still searching for answers.

What to do with this blog?

I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately. And I don't know what to do with it. It was originally going to be the place I put my struggles to find myself, but then I changed the premise of my main blog. So I want to kind of repurpose this one. Not so much to focus on my inner struggles but perhaps to write about my spiritual journey such that it may be.

I'm considering changing the name as well. Since I've been feeling a pull to Avalon and the Druid path, I feel like my blog name should reflect that. So it will probably change in the coming days.

I will still post about the goings on in my life but it will perhaps and hopefully be from a different perspective.

I just didn't want you to think I'd abandoned this blog, I haven't I just didn't know what I wanted to do with it.