Thursday, July 7, 2011

Long Time Since I Written...

I do apologize for not having kept this updated as I would have liked to. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. Everything I thought about writing seemed like mindless drivel.

My fears were getting the best of me. Then my world fell apart in mid February. It was then I decided that I had to do something. And I did. I made the decision to follow my heart and do for me what I needed to do. So I decided to leave my marriage to a man I could no longer be with.

I was offered a place to stay with my Beloved's family. My one and only friend where I was living offered to help me leave by driving me to ship what I could afford to and take me to the airport. I was able to purchase my ticket for a really low price. I was lucky to buy it when I did, since few days later the prices went up and stayed high. Once the ticket was was just the matter of waiting until the day. AND finding the courage to tell him I was leaving.

I told him 2 days before that I was leaving to stay with friends to figure things out. I left nothing to chance having to deal with him that day. Finally departure day arrived and before I knew it, my belongs were left at the shipping office and I was on my way to the airport. My flights were on time, actually ahead of schedule even. They were smoother than I could have expected.

So it's been a month now that I left. That I moved 2200 miles to follow my heart. Slowly I am starting to relax and unwind, learning to be myself. No longer do I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I feel like I can breathe again.

As to my path....well I am feeling somewhat lost. I don't know what to believe or follow. At some point I felt let down again by deities. Maybe I am trying or was trying too hard to define a path and label it. Maybe I'm just to go with the flow right now and just connect with nature.

I don't know. I mean here I am, a city girl who is now living smack dab in the middle of farm country. As far as I can see out both front and back are fields of various greens growing. I can see cows, and horses, and goats. (No we don't have any of those here but the surrounding neighbors do.) I wake up to the sunrising and to the sound of chickens. I can watch the sunset every day, sometimes with the most spectacular colors. I am finally able to be with my furbaby and My Beloved. I've been given permission to have a small herb garden (I do want more herbs but it's a bit late now to find what I want) and we have a vegetable garden, smaller than what we want but it will do for this year. And the garden area is SO HUGE! I would have a field day next season. Oddly I feel like I am in my element.

So this is where I'm supposed to be, in a place of reconnection. Where I can be with my Beloved. Where I can see the sunrise and sunset. Where I can see the stars and the moon clear than I have in years. All I can do is take it all one day, one step at a time.